Bishop Gruss: We can either live for the approval of others, a false identity, or we can live as a beloved child of God

Because of social media and modern technology, it’s never been easier to know what others think of you. We buy into the lie that popularity, approval from others, and their acceptance define us. The whole marketing industry plays upon this reality. They try to sell us things that will make us feel better about ourselves, things that we need to make us more popular or more accepted.

And do you ever notice that often times young people act like each other, talk like each other, dress like each other, think like each other? Why is that? It brings them security when everyone can be the same. The reality is that people do care what other people say and think of them.

The sad reality is that when we buy into this lie – I am what other people say or think of me, and we live for the approval of others, and we don’t get it, at times people die from their rejection. Think of all the bullying that goes on in our schools or on social media platforms, and how many young people have taken their lives because of living this lie.

One of the most important things you can teach your children is what I said at the beginning. They are beloved children of God, created in God’s image and likeness, regardless of their imperfections. The Lord loves them perfectly because he has created them.

Another thing to think about is that one of the greatest traps in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses us or criticizes us, as soon as we are rejected, left alone, or abandoned, it is easy to find ourselves thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody, I am no good, I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned."

How strong in your life and spirit are the voices that tell you that you are no good, a failure, worthless, ugly, stupid, a nobody, etc.? These negative voices are so loud and so persistent that they are easy to believe, especially for those who lack good self-esteem and self-confidence, and a sense of inner peace.

For example: For many people, we can receive a lot of praise for something we have done, and we can receive criticism. But what speaks the loudest?  What do we remember the most, but the criticism?

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the Lord’s sacred voice that calls us his beloved son or beloved daughter, the core truth of our existence. This is our truest and deepest identity, it does not matter what any other voices speak to us.

Two choices

We have two choices. We can either live for the approval of others, a false identity, or we can live as a beloved child of God, as Jesus did, our true identity. The options are starkly different. One leads to a path of frustration and even despair. The other is the path to freedom. Other people only have power over who we are if we give it to them. At times, I have lived for the approval of others, and it’s exhausting and depressing.  If we are going to give anyone power over us, we should give it to Jesus.

Each of us has already been noticed; we have been chosen; we have been taken by God to be “the Beloved” in a totally unique, precious, and non-competitive way. This is the core truth of our Baptismal identity. We don’t have to seek approval from others. The Lord already approves of us. And this is what is most important.

Yes, we are all broken is some way or another and in need of healing. We must reject the lie that brokenness is a barrier to being chosen and blessed and loved. Jesus can teach us this; he can show us this. He came to heal the brokenhearted.

In this season of Lent, let us take time and contemplate the beauty of Jesus on the cross, the place where he was rejected and abandoned. Because when we contemplate the beauty of Jesus on the cross, we also become aware of our own poverty. We become aware of our longing to be loved, healed and liberated.

If I run from my own poverty, then I can’t make a return of love. Any love will become self-focused. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” [1John 4:16-18]

We all have secret fears to face. But the fear that we are to feel as Christians can itself be a work of grace, if it turns our gaze back to Jesus. Allow the fear to throw you back into the love of God, helping us to trust in his mercy, thereby destroying the fear itself. I don’t know who said it, but, “Fear is the proper servant of love for imperfect saints.”